Nuzluk, the unfortunate
by arabiasil
Summary: Nuzluk meets Bill the Pony. Bad things happen.
1. Nuzluk and the old woman

An Orc's Halloween By Arabiasil  
  
As usual, Tolkien owns all of his stuff and I own mine. Just a little story I did for Arabella Thorne for Halloween. It's just for fun so enjoy! God Bless.  
  
Elrond pulled his horse to a stop and breathed a sigh of relief. The orc tracks he had been following had turned away from Rivendell and had headed back out into the Wild. His two son, Elladan and Elrohir pulled to a stop beside him.  
  
"At least he can't cause much trouble out in the Wild. There are very few humans living there."  
  
"A pity Ada," sighed Elladan. "I would have liked to met out justice to that little troublemaker. He has been wreaking havoc over every farm in the area."  
  
Elrond was thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. "I would not worry about it my son. Illuvatar often has a way of handing out His own brand of justice."  
  
The three elves rode back to Rivendell and a well deserved supper. Meanwhile, Nuzluk was miles away, making his way into the heart of the Wild. The first farm he came to belonged to old Lisha. Nuzluk headed straight to the little farmhouse, his mouth watering for the taste of human flesh. To his delight Lisha was home when he got there.  
  
Nuzluk stepped quietly into the shadow of a nearby tree, all the time keeping his eyes on his human prey.  
  
The old woman was sweeping off her front stoop. She will never know what hit her until I sink my knife in her scrawny body smirked Nuzluk. I'll have some fun with her first though.  
  
He mocked the sound of a ravening wolf, making it sound as if it would burst from the bushes and attack at any moment.  
  
The old woman stopped sweeping immediately and scurried into the house. Nuzluk chuckled to himself from the bushes. She was easier to scare than he thought. Suddenly he heard her come out of the front door and walk quickly towards the bushes where he was concealed.  
  
Human curiosity thought Nuzluk. How many times has it proved to be their undoing? He sat snickering in the bushes.  
  
Suddenly he was drowned in a rain of scalding hot water. The pain was incredible.  
  
"There" said the old woman, "that will teach you to come steal my chickens!"  
  
He was so shocked he could only sit in the bushes watching the ground steaming around him as her footsteps retreated back into the house.  
  
His anger suddenly flamed at being attacked in such a manner by a mere human. Who did she think she was dealing with? He was an orc! He got to his feet and peeked out from his hiding place. The old woman had gone back to sweeping her stoop.  
  
Watching her carefully, Nuzluk scuttled across the yard, intent on spilling the old woman's blood. He could think of few things more worthless than an old human. He moved silently behind the old woman as she swept off the broad, flat stones in front of her door. His hand went to his knife hilt and he stepped towards her to grab her from behind. Without warning she suddenly stopped and stretched her stiff back. The end of the broom handle hit him squarely in the eye.  
  
Stifling a yelp of pain he quickly retreated back to the bushes to hide. This was ridiculous. She was just an old woman. It wasn't like he was pitted against elves! Making up his mind, he decided to go into her house. Once there he could cause her enough mischief to give her a heart attack.  
  
He looked out into the yard. The old woman was nowhere to be seen. He quickly moved towards the nearest window and moved to slither in. Just as he got underneath the window, old Lisha dumped her chamber pot out the window, soaking Nuzluk in human waste. He made for the bushes as fast as his legs would carry him.  
  
He sat there in insulted silence for a good half hour before he decided to try again.  
  
He moved to the window again, flinched once as he moved to climb in the window; then seeing there was no chamber pot to attack him again he slithered in. And stepped directly into a box of spearheads once owned by Lisha's dearly departed warrior husband. His feet got sliced up pretty badly before he finally managed to leap out of the box and into the middle of the bedroom.  
  
Blast! First I am attacked with hot water, than human filth, and now I am almost crippled by old, rusted weapons. What comes next, a dog of war! Nuzluk thought sourly.  
  
He carefully backed away from the offending box, and stepped directly on the tail of Old Ether, Lisha's ancient and grouchy tomcat. Ether woke from a dream about being chased by wolves and dug his teeth and claws into the nearest available target, the slices on Nuzluk's feet.  
  
He stifled a scream of pain and hobbled quickly towards the opposite window.  
  
Nuzluk heard Lisha coming and quickened his limping pace to the opposite window and looked out to find a soft place to land with his wounded feet. He heard her hand on the door handle and, panicking, he threw himself out the window and landed with a painful thump in the midst of Lisha's prize rose bushes. Nuzluk felt he would be eaten alive by the thorns before he could extract himself and escape into the forest.  
  
Scratched and bleeding from head to foot he finally reached the safety of the trees and looked back at the house. The old woman was sitting on her front stoop with a cup of tea. Nuzluk shuddered and turning, quickly left the area before she could see him.  
  
Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Nuzluk and Bill the Pony

Disclaimer: All Tolkien's stuff is his and my orc belongs to me. May the Good Lord have mercy on him. This was inspired by The Lauderdale, who suggested that I should write a series of stories about Nuzluk, the most long suffering and frustrated orc in Middle Earth. More to come. God Bless.  
  
Nuzluk and Bill the Pony by Arabiasil  
  
Nuzluk sat in the bushes and watched the group carefully. The Ranger had gone off for more firewood, leaving the hobbits at his mercy. He grinned to himself as he thought of how sweet their tender flesh would be.  
  
The wind shifted a bit and suddenly the pack pony popped his head up as he caught the scent of the orc. He snorted a warning in Nuzluk's direction.  
  
"Humph." thought Nuzluk. "I'll save you till last." he muttered to Bill the pony. "or use you to pack their carcasses away to a safer place to eat."  
  
Bill stared at him as if he had heard him and Nuzluk stared back, making his plans to attack. Suddenly one of the hobbits, a nice fat one, came up to Bill and patted him on the neck.  
  
"Here now Bill, what's the matter?" asked Sam. "You're not missing Bree already?"  
  
Bill snorted again and nuzzled Sam in the chest.  
  
"You don't worry Bill. I'll take good care of you." reassured Sam as he patted Bill one more time before returning to the camp fire.  
  
Nuzluk moved quietly towards the hobbits, intent on surprising them before they could get away. He was going to have a feast and then... The last thing he saw was Bill's hind feet hurtling towards his face. Then darkness.  
  
When he awoke his head was pounding and he found himself quite a distance from the camp. Bill's kick had sent him rolling down a hill full of sharp stones and brambles.  
  
Moaning, he dragged himself to his feet and started back up the hill. Just as he got to the top he saw Bill grazing at the edge of the steep incline. Bill immediately wheeled and kicked him back down the hill. He tumbled back down hitting every stone and thorn bush along the way, finally coming to a halt against a pile of rocks at the bottom. He lay there for a minute in stunned agony.  
  
Finally he got back to his feet and stared back up the hill. He wasn't going to give up. There was food at the top of the hill for the taking and he was hungry. He stopped short of the top and tried to peek over the edge. Bill's heels came flying at his head again. He ducked and ran to his left until he came to a thicket.  
  
Chuckling to himself at his own cleverness he made his way through the thicket till he reached the top. Then he started back towards the camp.  
  
Suddenly he felt Bill's teeth clamp down on his left arm and jerk him away from the camp. He caught a glimpse of Bill's ears pinned back against his head as he dragged the startled orc back to the top of the ravine. He clamped down harder on Nuzluk's arm and there was a sickening crunch of breaking bone.  
  
Then Bill swung his head and threw Nuzluk back down the ravine. There was a satisfied snort from Bill as Nuzluk went careening back down the hill and a muffled "Oh gawd my arm!" as he hit the pile of rocks. Then silence. Bill returned to his grazing and Nuzluk found some sticks to splint his arm, snarling to himself as he did so.  
  
"If this creature wants war so be it. I'll use his bones for battle clubs." he muttered. Nuzluk had had enough. This was only a horse, and a pony at that! He frowned at a nicker from the top of the hill that sounded suspiciously like a horse laugh. That just fueled his ill temper more and he went struggling back up the hill towards his prey. He had wanted to get the hobbits first but this horse was asking for it.  
  
He stopped near the top and peered around a small bush. Bill's bramble entangled tail hit him squarely in the face, causing intense pain. The orc retreated a few paces to stay out of Bill's reach and tried again.  
  
This time he went slowly, crawling on his hands and knees. He stopped behind a large stump and peeked out. The hobbits were busily eating their meal. Nuzluk creeped forward, intent on his prey. They would never see him until he was already on them.  
  
He carefully made his way through some bushes until he was almost close enough to smell them. The hobbits burst out laughing at a joke. Just as they started into a very loud song, Nuzluk crouched to spring, and felt a sudden excruciating pressure on his right hand. He looked down and saw Bill's hoof planted firmly on top of his right hand. He looked up at Bill's blazing eyes, and whispered in a pleading voice "You wouldn't do that to old Nuzluk would you?"  
  
Bill gave a low snort and put his full weight on Nuzluk's hand. The orc gasped in pain as the bones in his right hand gave way. Bill held him there in squirming agony until he was satisfied he had learned his lesson and then released him to go wriggling back to the ravine from whence he came.  
  
Nuzluk made his way slowly back down the ravine, whimpering to himself about evil horses and the wrongness of the universe. The hobbits never saw him leave and all Aragorn saw of him was his stumbling footprints as he made his way away from the camp as fast as he could.  
  
TBC 


End file.
